Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts

Wednesday, May 3, 2017

FATHER by Clarissa Wild




Title: Father
Author: Clarissa Wild
Genre: Romantic Suspense/Taboo Romance
Cover Design: Booming Covers 
Release Date: April 25, 2017



Blurb

Confess your sin. 

People call me Father, but I prefer Frank because I’m the worst preacher you’ll ever meet.

Days spent completely wasted pull a number on you, especially when you’ve got a truckload of baggage that comes with it.

Until this beautiful girl in the back of the church takes my breath away.

…And we end up committing sacrilege in the confessional.

Did I mention I’m filthy?

Bad doesn’t even begin to describe me, and after one taste of what she’s got to offer, I want more.

Too bad having a dirty mind isn’t the only thing we’ve got in common…

Our past is laced with sin. 

Author’s Note: This book is not for everyone. It’s raw. It’s vulgar. It’s downright offensive. But it’s oh so damn delicious with a capital D. If you are easily offended or prudish, please don’t read this book. But if you like a bit of humor mixed in with raunchiness and brawling, you’ll love this book.

Contains disturbing situations, strong language, and graphic violence.




Excerpt

(Unedited)


“This is my sin,” she says, and she licks her fingers and rubs them across her nipples. She moans, and my dick bounces up and down in my pants.

“Is it wrong?” she asks, biting her lip.

I blink a couple of times to try and keep my composure, but I’m burning up with desire. Fuck me, how badly I want to reach through the gaps of the latticed wood.

“It feels wrong,” she whispers, and her hand travels down her body. “Tell me to stop.”

“Only God can tell you what to do,” I answer.

What kind of answer is that? Fuck.

“I can’t speak to him the way you do,” she says, eyeing me. “So … intimately.”

So she did hear everything I said.

Damn.

Her hand dives in between her legs, underneath her skirt, and my cock bursts with need. “I believe you, Frank. You said needs were okay. And I have a lot of needs.”

I lick my lips. “Oh, I can definitely believe that.”

“And I feel … like I need this.” She rubs herself, while she looks at me. It’s like she’s not even ashamed anymore. And it’s all my fault. “Like you need this,” she adds.

I frown, rubbing my lips together, because I don’t know what to do or say. I can’t admit it. That would be a sin of its own. But fuck, do I want her badly. However, I’m a preacher. I have duties. Rules. And God. I can’t just ignore all that, can I?

“You snooped on me,” I say. “In the chapel. How much did you hear?”

“Enough.” The left side of her lip tips up into a smile. “Was that bad?”

For some reason, it makes me wanna smile too. Guess the cat’s out of the bag. “Maybe.”

“Bad … I like bad,” she murmurs, biting her lip again while she spreads her legs. “I like it when it’s wrong.”

“Is that why you did this before? In the bathroom?”

She nods, and her hand dives down her panties. “I know this is what you want. What you’ve been thinking of all this time … Me.” she asks. “C’mon, say it.”

I shake my head. “You know I can’t. We’re doing a confession. It’s against the rules.”

“No one has to find out …” she whispers, pressing her fingers to her lips. “It could be our dirty little secret.”

I try to ignore the voice in my head, telling me not to cave in, but it’s already too late. My hand rests atop my dick, and I start rubbing it straight through my clothes.

She closes her eyes and leans her head back against the hard wood, and I take the opportunity to let my eyes glide up and down her body, enjoying the view. She touches herself so seductively, that I immediately find myself rubbing faster and faster, trying to keep up the pace. I imagine how her body would look naked. How slick and wet it would be when I brush my dick along her lips. I can picture it all, and that makes this all so much more frightening. Because … if I already gave in to this, there’s no telling what I’ll do next time I see her.

“Fuck …” she murmurs, licking her lips. A soft moan escapes her mouth and she adjusts herself so I can see her even better. My hand dives into my pants, as I’m unable to stop myself any longer.

When she briefly opens her eyes and sees me jerking off, she purrs, “Do you like this?”

“I’d be lying if I said I didn’t …” I mutter, stroking my length. “But it’s wrong and you know it.”

“Then why are we doing it?” she asks.

“Because this is our dirty little secret,” I hiss, feeling the veins in my dick throb with excitement. “And I need to see just how naughty you can get.”

She grins and slides aside her panties with her index finger, showing me her naked pussy. And fuck me, it makes me one hungry motherfucker. What I wouldn’t give to be able to suck on her clit.

“Is it wrong that we’re doing this?” she asks. “Because I’m so damn wet right now.”

“Do you even care there are people just a few feet away from us?” I ask.

She shakes her head, grinning even more. “That only adds to the excitement.”

God, this fucking woman … she sure knows how to make a guy’s heart throb. And his dick too.

At this point, I really don’t care anymore.

Screw the consequences.

Fuck morals.

I’ve thrown every rule out the window.

I rip down my zipper, unbutton my pants, and pull my dick out of my boxer shorts.

Her eyes widen and immediately focus on my length, her lips parting as if she’s preparing to receive it.


“My eyes are up here,” I muse, smiling.





Author Bio


Clarissa Wild is a New York Times & USA Today Bestselling author, best known for the dark Romance novel Mr. X. Her novels include the Fierce Series, the Delirious Series, Stalker Duology, Twenty-One (21), Ultimate Sin, VIKTOR, and Bad Teacher. She is also a writer of erotic romance such as the Blissful Series, The Billionaire's Bet series, and the Enflamed Series. She is an avid reader and writer of sexy stories about hot men and feisty women. Her other loves include her furry cat friend and learning about different cultures. In her free time she enjoys watching all sorts of movies, reading tons of books and cooking her favorite meals.



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Tuesday, May 17, 2016

REMEMBER WHEN by RC Boldt - REVIEW


SYNOPSIS:

The third installment of RC Boldt's Teach Me series returns with two people who once had it all…
Over a decade ago, fourth grade teacher Tate Donnelly was attending college with the love of her life by her side. She had been certain, even then, that it was the forever kind of love. But she was proven wrong when he left her all alone to pick up the pieces of her life—and heart—when her entire world imploded.
Former Navy SEAL Miller Vaughn once had the love of a girl he thought would be his, and be by his side forever. Unfortunately, that only lasted until after he joined the Navy. Then she vanished, never to be heard from again. Throwing himself into his training, he vowed to become the best, toughest SEAL he could be, and never let a girl get the best of him again.
Years later, a man who resembles a boy she once knew reappears in her life. A boy she had loved with her whole being. A boy who had eviscerated her heart.
Though much time has passed, Tate and Miller still feel that same "pull" they did years ago. When truths about the past are revealed, will they both be able to move on from their painful past … or are they destined for heartbreak again?
Can they remember when their love was the most important thing in their world?


REVIEW:

Every word and every page made me fall more in love with Tate and Miller. The banter and chemistry is off the charts with these two making it difficult to put the book down. If you've read the other two books in the series, you'll be glad to know that you'll get to see them again as well as getting to meet a few new faces.

Like other second-chance romances, events from the past make it difficult for Tate and Miller to reconnect. Both had their hearts broken and must make the decision to trust again. The chemistry between the two still remains and I loved following their path back to love. It is explosive

Your heart with break for all Tate and Miller lost, but the struggle makes the ending so satisfying. If you're not familiar with this series yet, you really need to check it out. It would be best to read it in order, but if you want to start with REMEMBER WHEN that's okay, too.

Available From:


To order Books 1 and 2:

About RC Boldt



RC Boldt is the wife of Mr. Boldt, a retired Navy Chief, mother of Little Miss Boldt, and former teacher of many students. She currently lives on the coast of North Carolina but dreams of relocating to a tropical island. When she's not writing, she can be found daydreaming of relocating to a tropical island, at the beach, going running with her family (and contemplating *gently* tossing her daughter out of the jogging stroller to reduce weight resistance), singing karaoke, harassing her husband or relaxing with a good book. And, let's be honest. Most of those activities listed probably include wine or a good microbrew. Except for the running. In that case, the drinks come afterward. :)

Find RC Boldt Online

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THE MATCHMAKER'S PLAYBOOK by Rachel Van Dyken - REVIEW


SYNOPSIS:

Wingman rule number one: don’t fall for a client.

After a career-ending accident, former NFL recruit Ian Hunter is back on campus—and he’s ready to get his new game on. As one of the masterminds behind Wingmen, Inc., a successful and secretive word-of-mouth dating service, he’s putting his extensive skills with women to work for the lovelorn. But when Blake Olson requests the services of Wingmen, Inc., Ian may have landed his most hopeless client yet.

From her frumpy athletic gear to her unfortunate choice of footwear, Blake is going to need a miracle if she wants to land her crush. At least with a professional matchmaker by her side she has a fighting chance. Ian knows that his advice and a makeover can turn Blake into another successful match. But as Blake begins the transformation from hot mess to smokin’ hot, Ian realizes he’s in danger of breaking his cardinal rule.…

REVIEW:

Oh my goodness! There is so much to love about this book. The story is great, but what I really appreciated was the humor. Ian's and Blake's banter is adorable. There are a lot of laugh-out-loud moments and even though my husband couldn't care less about what I'm reading, I continued to make him listen to the lines I loved.  Check out all the teasers that have been generated.












































Ian and his best friend Lex own and run Wingman Inc. A matchmaking site for girls. They have a fool-proof system for setting people up in long-lasting relationships. Lex, being a tech genius, developed a mathematical system that predicts the probability of the relationship's success. Unlike other matchmaking companies that put two strangers together, Wingman Inc. helps the girl who has a crush that doesn't return her feelings. Ian's process guarantees that the guy will fall for the girl.

What I loved about their philosophy is this. Every girl is beautiful. They appreciate all shapes, sizes, and colors. If, during the process of the matchmaking, Ian and Lex determine the match between the girl and her crush isn't going to work, either through their interactions with both parties or through the mathematical calculations, Wingman Inc will find another match. Ian and Lex don't do anything to change the girls beside basic things like clothes and hair. The Wingman Inc philosophy is that a girl should never change for a guy. I love that!

It is fascinating to see what Ian has the girls do to get the guy of dreams. I'd love to know if it really works. So, someone needs to recreate some of these things and report back. HA HA HA!

I liked seeing how Ian evolved from the beginning to the end of the story. He had to really make some tough choices in this book. First of all, he was breaking a major rule by getting involved with a client. In fact, their contract states that if he sleeps with a client that the client can sue. Also, Blake is different from any girl he's ever been attracted to. She's a tomboy and in the beginning he definitely has issues with her clothing choices. Then, the biggie, he was hired by Blake to get her crush to fall for her. Is he willing to do what she wants even if it means he might have to miss out on the chance to be with her himself? Not everything goes smoothly for Ian and Blake. There are hurt feelings and misunderstandings, but in the end, I love that everything works out.

Even though Ian and Lex are total manwhores, they are still lovable guys. Ian's friendship with his close little group is wonderful. The ending sets up the sequel (more like companion since the story will follow two different main characters) perfectly and I definitely can't wait to read about Gabi and Lex. It will be interesting to see how they end up working through their feelings. As it is, we know they are attracted to each other, but they fight like cats and dogs constantly. THE MATCHMAKER'S REPLACEMENT will be interesting to say the least. It is due to release on July 26, 2016.

Sunday, May 15, 2016

MISTER O by Lauren Blakely - REVIEW


SYNOPSIS:

Just call me Mister O. Because YOUR pleasure is my super power.

Making a woman feel ‘oh-god-that’s-good’ is the name of the game, and if a man can’t get the job done, he should get the hell out of the bedroom. I’m talking toe-curling, mind-blowing, sheet-grabbing ecstasy. Like I provide every time.

I suppose that makes me a superhero of pleasure, and my mission is to always deliver.

But then I'm thrown for a loop when a certain woman asks me to teach her everything about how to win a man. The only problem? She's my best friend's sister, but she's far too tempting to resist--especially when I learn that sweet, sexy Harper, has a dirty mind too and wants to put it to good use. What could possibly go wrong as I give the woman I've secretly wanted some no-strings-attached lessons in seduction?

No one will know, even if we send a few dirty sexts. Okay, a few hundred. Or if the zipper on her dress gets stuck. Not on that! Or if she gives me those f*&k-me-eyes on the train in front of her whole family.

The trouble is the more nights I spend with her in bed, the more days I want to spend with her out of bed. And for the first time ever, I'm not only thinking about how to make a woman cry out in pleasure --I'm thinking about how to keep her in my arms for a long time to come.

Looks like the real Adventures of Mister Orgasm have only just begun....




REVIEW:

AMAZING STORY!

Nick and Harper know each other through Harper's brother. As long as he's known her she's been off limits. Harper's brother has let Nick know in no uncertain terms what he'd do to him if he ever tried anything with Harper. Nick has been able to stay away since he didn't see her very often, but ever since Harper asked him to help her pull a prank on her brother they've been meeting more often just to hang out. They have a natural connection. Nick likes everything about Harper. Her quirkiness, the fact that she is a magician for a living, and her awesome sense of humor. Ever since the day of that prank, Harper has made a daily appearances in his fantasies. Harper is the only woman he sees, he can't even picture himself with another woman.

Harper sets his world on fire when she approaches him with a request. She has a hard time talking to men she is attracted to, hasn't really ever dated, and has never had sex. She thinks she's met a guy she likes and wants to get some experience. Who better than a man she already likes and trusts. Since Harper's brother just got married and is leaving for a week-long honeymoon it's the perfect time to give her some lessons.

Together Nick and Harper have amazing chemistry. As the week goes on, Nick realizes that he doesn't want his time with Harper to end. He doesn't want her to date another man. Will he be able to make a move and claim her for himself? Is he willing to risk his friendship with Harper's brother in order to have the woman of his dreams?

There are so many things I loved about this story.

1. Nick and Harper go bowling twice in this book. They have so much fun! Not enough romances include bowling.

2. Instead of porn, Harper uses Tumblr to find things that turn her on. She visits daily and ends up sharing some of her favorite things with Nick. Here is a great Tumblr that features some images and gifs that seem like the ones Harper looked at. http://nsfwromwriter.tumblr.com/ This Tumblr belongs to an erotic romance author, but I can't remember who right now.

3. I love that Nick is a cartoonist.

4. Harper is a magician. She performs a trick for Nick in bed - the pencil up the nose and out the ear trick. Don't worry, she doesn't reveal how it's done.


5. The humor. There aren't many books that can make you laugh out loud and this is one of them.  Both Nick and Harper are funny and their banter is awesome! I LOVED IT!

So, if you haven't read MISTER O yet, you need to.


Want to read the companion book that features Harper's brother? If so, read BIG ROCK.